Listening Time: We all need to feel heard
Why Listening Matters
To be the parent we want to be—calm, connected, emotionally present, and playful—we need support for ourselves. Parenting can be beautiful and heart-filling, but it can also be depleting, messy, and overwhelming. Without emotional outlets, we become less resourced to meet our children with the warmth and regulation they need.
One of the most powerful and accessible supports we can create is Listening Partnerships.
These are intentional, mutual relationships between two parents (or more) who agree to offer each other non-judgmental, validating, and uninterrupted listening. The process may be simple, but the emotional release and connection it fosters can be deeply transformative.
What Is a Listening Partnership?
A Listening Partnership is:
A two-way agreement to take turns listening to one another
A way to be heard without advice, judgment, or interruptions
A place to express your feelings, including the ones we often feel ashamed of
A safe space to cry, laugh, rage, or reflect
An emotional recharge—so you can return to parenting with more clarity, softness, and energy
This kind of listening is the adult equivalent of play. It’s how we get back to ourselves.
Why We Need It
Many of us were raised in environments where deep listening was rare. As adults, we're often told to “cheer up,” “be grateful,” or “stop overthinking.” This unintentionally suppresses emotions. In contrast, being truly heard—with kindness and no fixing—can be incredibly healing.
Our emotional exhaustion isn’t only from sleep deprivation or overstimulation. It’s also from carrying around:
Untold worries
Secret feelings of inadequacy or resentment
Grief and shame we’ve buried
Joys we're too embarrassed to share
Listening time offers a release for all of this.
What If I “Get It Wrong”?
This is one of the most common fears. Many parents (especially those with histories of masking, perfectionism, or neurodivergence) worry they might:
Talk too much
Not say enough
Make someone uncomfortable
Miss subtle cues
Be “too intense”
Say something awkward
Let this be your permission: It’s okay to get it wrong.
Listening Partnerships are about practice, not perfection. Everyone is learning. Everyone is tender.
This is a space where you can gently unlearn old patterns and build trust in safe, consistent relationships. If you do get it wrong, you can talk about it. That’s part of the healing.
You might say:
“I'm new to this and worried I might mess it up. Can you let me know if anything feels off?”
“I tend to talk a lot when I’m anxious—feel free to interrupt me if I go too long.”
“I might need reminders that I don’t have to fix or respond.”
These are welcome in Listening Partnerships. You’re building emotional fluency, and just naming your fears out loud already begins to soothe them.
The Basics: How to do a Listening Partnership
Step 1: Set It Up
Find someone in your parenting group, a friend, or another trusted parent
Agree to take turns listening to each other
Set a timer if you’d like—start with 5 minutes each
Step 2: Take Turns Listening
While one person talks, the other simply listens.
What listening looks like:
Stay curious and present
Don’t interrupt
Don’t give advice
Don’t relate it to your own story
Don’t try to fix or cheer up
Let the speaker feel heard. Let them cry, rage, tremble, or giggle if needed. These are signs the nervous system is releasing tension. Just witness it.
What not to say:
“You’ll be fine.”
“At least you…”
“That happened to me too…”
“You’re overreacting.”
Instead, try:
“I’m here.”
“That sounds so hard.”
“You’re not alone.”
Then switch roles.
Tips for ongoing Listening Partnerships
Use text, voice notes, or phone calls—whatever feels doable
Keep voice notes short to begin with—around 5 minutes
Check in 1–2 times a week—set a recurring reminder
Create a WhatsApp or Messenger group to stay connected
Start with soft questions like:
How are you feeling after today?
What’s feeling hard or tender right now?
What do you need to say out loud today?
Deeper prompts:
What do you remember about being your child’s age?
What are your hopes for your child?
What is great about being a parent?
What are you afraid to admit to anyone about parenting?
The goal is not perfection. It’s connection.
Why This Works
Even two parents running on empty can fill each other’s emotional cups through five minutes of genuine listening. With time, your capacity to be with your own feelings and your child’s big emotions grows.
Listening Partnerships help you:
Feel seen and heard
Normalise the ups and downs of parenting
Build connection and community
Release emotional buildup
Regulate your nervous system
How to Get Started
SET AN INTENTION: To build at least 2–3 supportive, trusted connections in your in person or online community that you can lean on in the harder parenting moments.
Action Steps:
Reach out to a few friends or people you’ve met online or in real life to propose a listening partnership
Send them this article
Set up a group chat or regular check-in rhythm
Start small—5 minutes of voice notes is enough
Use prompts or just speak from the heart
Offer compassion and presence to each other
Resources and Further Listening
Hand in Hand Parenting – Listening Partnerships
Patty Wipfler on the Hand in Hand Podcast
Search for episodes on “Listening Partnerships” for stories and insights
Books & Articles:
Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges by Patty Wipfler & Tosha Schore
Final Words
Yes, it can feel vulnerable. Yes, it might feel like “one more thing to do.” But over time, Listening Partnerships become an anchor—a small practice that brings relief, connection, and a reminder that you are not alone.
You can’t get it perfectly right. But you can show up imperfectly, courageously, and with an open heart. That’s more than enough.
Because every parent deserves to feel safe, supported, and understood—just like our children do.